Friday, 12 December 2014

The blogging bombshell is back....

The blog is back.... And for all those curious blokes who used to sidle up to me at bars and tell me in hushed tones that 'they read my blog by candlelight' (whilst their gfs sleep, I don't doubt) - well, this is going to be a literary revelation akin to (but not such a letdown as) Helen fielding announcing her latest Miss Jones novel 'mad about the boy.'

So why now, you may ask... And, mores the point; what the hell happened to your love life and strange fashion sense for the duration of 2014??
Well, the truth is that this year has been an avalanche of chaos...and I've barely had a minute to breathe through it, let alone compose myself long enough to put finger to keyboard.

But now, after what can only be described as 'the straw that broke the camels back' I have decided that I've had quite enough of living like a Russian monk, and it was time to settle a few scores.

You wouldn't even begin to imagine some of the sorry sights I've had to endure;  I'm talking (as a very brief overview):

Closet cross dresser masquerading as a normal family guy unleashing his erm, passion in my living room...
An obscene pervert masquerading as 'that nice guy who used to fancy you at school' bombarding me with pics, displaying his appendage in many very different settings and compositions (I bet you've never seen a cock photo bomb before?)
A smelly musician who believed that not owning a bath or shower made him more in touch with his music...
An unhappily married man masquerading as 'the guy who's so on your wavelength,' writing me the whatsapp equivalent of Byron esque literature... Only to disappear on his white charge once his poor make ego got what it wanted (a huge phone bill, by all accounts)

I could go on, but it would be foolish to give it all away in the prequel...

So stay tuned as I get my regression goggles on and take my mind back to some of my most repressed memories, and re-live them all over again for your entertainment....
Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised It would be worth it ;)

Saturday, 28 December 2013

The Liebster Award - By Cassie

So the lovely Nicolette at Just Nicolette gave us the Liebster Award tag. Now I will be honest, I didn't know what this was until I read her post, and now I am grateful for the chance to get involved with this tag. Now seeing as this blog is a collaboration with Scarlett, I'll do this one and if Scarlett can make time to do her own then you will get two, but for now it's just me Cassie.

The rules are list 11 random facts about yourself. Answer the 11 questions the person who nominated you asked, nominate 11 people of your own, and ask them 11 questions. (Also let the 11 people know).

So here it goes. Cassie's Random facts

1. My Blogging Alter Ego Cassie is not known to many people that know me

2. I never wear matching socks

3. The First time I ever dressed up fully as Cassie was aged 14. Full wig and make up. I was skinny then and I envy myself now.

4. Only 5 people who see me on a regular basis know about Cassie, the rest of the people are internet people I have met through blogging and Twitter.

5. I use to shave my legs throughout high school and nobody noticed.

6. My Celebrity Crush was Micheala Strachan

7. I accidentally took and wore a womans Dorothy Perkins coat home from a party and never noticed for weeks.

8. I use to wear a skirt in private almost every night after school when my parents were at work

9. When I was 15 I had a myspace account as Cassie that is still out there somewhere

10. I told a girlfriend about my crossdressing aged 19 and she dumped me because she didn't like the fact I looked like her sister (TRUE STORY!)

11. I am a lazy Crossdresser in my 20s

So there are some random facts about Cassie.
Here are the Blogs I nominate for this Tag/Award

1.   Thou Shall Not Covert :
2.   Beauty in Beta :
3.   Wanting to be a domestic goddess :
4.   Nickie Kinickie :
5.   Eat Read Glam :
6.   Wander Lynn :
8.   4eva Fashion Princess
9.   Hayley Squibb

So Now here are the Q's I have to answer

1. What would you need to have on a long flight?
- I would need some kind of device that plays video. I need to watch a film, box set or something to keep my entertained. I find it difficult to read on the plane as it makes me feel sick, so I can watch hours of tv and film
2. If you had a talk show what would it be called?
- It would be called "Cassie's Corner!" and I would be dressed like Lois Lane trying to get to the bottom of everything
3. Season of Choice?
- Winter! I love Christmas and wrapping up warm. In Cassie mode I get to wear the thermal tights and winter coats
4. Favourite Film?
- Too Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar (1995) This film made me want to become a Drag Queen! I Still fancy Chi Chi
5. If you had a choice to rename yourself what would it be?
- Well seeing as Cassie isn't my real name I would choose that 
6. Dream date?
- Any type of date with Lucinda Rhodes! She is a gem 
7. Any pets?
- No, My Housemate is a allergic to animals and fun
8. Any advice you would give your younger self?
- Never be afraid of unleashing your inner woman! There are more people like you out there
9. If you could live in a fictional world which would it be?
- I would live on Wisteria Lane (from Desperate Housewives) and be that Guy who dresses as a woman, WHAT A STORY LINE!! 
10. Go to makeup?
- Any type of Lipstick. I need lippy to feel better
11. And you won't leave the house without...?
- I would never leave the house, as Cassie, with my make up bag, as I need to keep the make up good or the man underneath ruins the illusion!

So, there you go, my Q's are Answered. I hope they were good enough. Now here are the 11 Q's for others to answer. I don't think you are obliged to answer them, but I am just following the rules, and I am a stickler for the rules.
1. Who was your first Celeb Crush?
2. Who would you like to be for 24hrs?
3. Do you remember your first kiss?
4. What Song could you listen to on repeat 24/7
5. Skirts or Trousers?
6. What celeb do you look like?
7. Have you ever been attracted to a member of the same sex?
8. What would you do if you caught your partner wearing your clothes?
9. Fav Movie?
10. Style Icon?
11. Why do you Blog?
Now, Hope to hear back from you.
Cassie xoxoxo


Hey All, Cassie here! I have been the worst blogger in the world. Whilst Scarlett has been blogging crazy about her ultra interesting love life and trials and tribulations of it, I have been spending the past few weeks getting over my Cassie Night out with spending time away from the heels and time with the family (many whom are still oblivious to the fact I have an eyelash curler in my man bag!)...........(I don't have a man bag)

So Christmas was extremely fun, I love spending time with my family and friends and even though not one bit of make up touched my face, I was still extremely happy. Which is nice, because I know some people with my hobby out there struggle to stay happy out of the Alter Ego. But for me, I was happy to step back from Cassie and be myself without any worries.

But now, a few days and copious amount of alcohol later I am getting back into the swing of daily life. Today was the first day I was back in my flat, minus house mate who is still on Xmas duty, and the first day I could sit back and relax.

So how did I relax? well I couldn't be bothered to glam up, I am still sporting Xmas stubble at the moment, so instead I decided to do some creative photo shopping of myself using Instagram and some fancy editing.
Which means I put Cassie's head on a models body for shits and giggles. Hence creating the perfect Cassie!

Cassie The Virtual Model
Why did I do this? Boredom and Creativity. Becoming Cassie is more about being creative rather than a sexual thing. I enjoy creating an image of femininity that I can never achieve.

So that's my Saturday! How was your Christmas?

Speak to you soon
Cassie xxx

PS. Sorry for the boring post xxx

Tuesday, 24 December 2013

The perils of blogging

I've been blogging now for about 2 months, and have really enjoyed the responses all the posts have received.

As a blogger it is quite normal to just blast out a post in 10 minutes while you're 'in the moment' and it quickly gets posted onto various social networks for all to read.  The thing about that is, I often don't think about who is actually reading my stuff.

With a blog of this nature (quite personal) you make a decision to effectively publicise your life to the world, and now I'm on a proverbial roll I don't want to (nor think I should) stop.  My life, chaotic as it may be, is 'out there' for anyone to read.  So what have I learnt so far in my short blogging career thus far?

1.  People find it quite amusing to read.  I'm still not sure if the people I know who make these commets laugh at me or with me (!) but I like to think they're enjoying the writing none-the-less.

2.  Ex boyfriends are actively reading my blog.  A fact I am now used to, but found quite bizzarre when confronted with an ex a few weeks ago on a night out.  he asked me if the 'commitment phobe' post was about him?!  (NO, was the answer of course!)  I dated this guy briefly about 10,000 years ago and to his dis-credit he was a commitment phobe, but it's all so far in the past that I wouldn't have even related the two!
(Feel at this point I should do a shout out to this guy, who I hope enjoys this post and doesn't take my comments to heart!)

3. Ex boyfriends whom I DO write about often read too much into the content and don't appreciate the humour of the situation!  For my first ever post I wrote about a more recent ex whom I have been doing the 'are we aren't we' dance with for the past few months.  It was only a small thing, and in no way offensive or angry, yet I received a message off him saying 'I read your blog (just curious) and saw a few things that made me think you may be p****d at me?"

4.  Potential new dates read my blog.  A fact I thought I was comfortable with (and largely I am), but recently I've received a few strange, out of the blue messages from guys who I thought were relatively classy.

A real life example is as follows:
Guy:  Hey commitment phobe ;)   - a nod to my post about me being a commitment phobe also!
Me: So I see you read my blog.  What do you think?
Guy: I think it's great, very funny.  
Me: Thanks, I enjoy writing it!
Guy:  Can I ask you a personal question?
Me: Go on...
Guy:  How sexually adventurous are you?
Me: I've never even met you before...that's a little bit forward really!!

So you see, this guy felt he already knew me just through way of reading my blog.
Trouble is, his perception of me was misplaced.  Yes.  I blog about dating, my lovelife and the many many car crash encounters I have with the opposite sex.
The only difference between me and lots of single girls is the fact I blog about my expereinces (good and bad!) but that doesn't make me any more adventurous in the bedroom, or some kind of maneater!

5.  I will contine to blog EVEN if I do get into a relationship.  And whoever I finally end up with will just have to deal with that!  Besides, the right guy will love me and my writing!

So here's to a very merry Christmas and may the New Year bring with it lots of interesting things to write about!

Enjoy yourselves!


Monday, 23 December 2013

Christmas Do's (and don'ts!)

It's been a while since I've written a blog post.  This has been partly down to it being the busy festive season, and partly because it has taken me this long to actually recover from the shameful event that was My Works Christmas Do.

Now, people who know me know I am nothing if not a massive advocate of the festive season.  So far you've heard about my adult advent, christmas jumper love and, more recently defending Christmas spirit to a very narrow minded bah humbug!  So it will probably come as no surprise to learn that I was a teensy bit excited about my works do this year.

Rather than go through the whole sordid affair in it's shameful entirety, I thought it more practical (and helpful) to put out my words of wisdom and warning to you, my lovely readers, and hope and pray that you take heed of the message:

10 Christmas Don'ts of the works Christmas Do.

1. Don't pre drink before the party even starts.  Yes, it is cold outside.  Yes, alcohol doubles up as an invisible blanket...but seriously; in the long run it can only do bad things.

2. Don't wear a strapless dress that doesn't quite fit you 'just because it's gorgeous.'  I had a cute sparkly number (see below) but by the end of the night it was round my waist (or so I am told - oh the shame).

3. Don't make 'an executive decision' to replace food with table wine.  Yes, the bar may be expensive but the food is kinda there to help line your stomach (and yes I know I sound like your mother).

4. Don't sit next to your boss at the dinner table (especially if you've been enjoying a mild flirtation with him the past few months).  Your colleagues will only make snide comments the next morning, fuelled by....

5.  The fact you start holding hands on the table, and then decide to walk to the bar in this manner also (for the entire workplace to see).  Major don't.

6. Don't assume that 'just because you're leaving' it's ok to behave in this way.  This is meant to be your swansong...not an apoloclypse of embarrasment.  Nobody wants to see you busting a move to One Direction or twerking very badly to Lady Gaga.

7. On that note, don't get over confident about your dancing 'abilities.'  I vaguely recall (and of course was reminded) how I continued to buy glasses of wine only to drop them minutes later whilst mid-way through one of my many dance routines.  Twerking over smashed glass is not a good look.

8.  Don't take advantage of any of the 'novelties' the party may have to offer.  My work put on fairground amusements.  Once I had got past the point of no return, I (was told I) was 'found' by work colleagues in a dodgem car and, unable to move forward due to wine intake I was spinning in a drunken circle (with a bottle of table wine between my legs and a crushed cigarette behind my ear).  Absolutley. Mortifying.

9. Don't become a 3 o clock princess.  As the old saying goes:  You wouldn't leave the house looking like sh**, so why go home looking like sh**?   These words have been haunting me ever since.

10.  Don't ask people to help you out with your memory of the night.  Ok, so you dialled your ex a few times.  Big deal.  Don't bother asking him 'exactly what occured' because you'll probably get an exaggerated truth.
Similary, don't have an overtly gay and nosy best friend from work who waits for you to get into the office the next day (only 3 hours late) and pounces on you with a barrage of information to piece together the entire evening in its awfulness.  It will quickly transpire that, atcually you were a LOT worse than you thought.

So, by now you will probably have reached your own conclusion that I am a maniac at Christmas.  You wouldn't be wrong.
But as shameful as my behaviour was; if it saves just one poor soul from suffering like I have, it will be worth the angst it took to write it!

Merry Christmas Beauts



Tuesday, 10 December 2013

The unwelcome Ghost of my Christmas past

I’d like to think I’m a pretty good judge of character.  A spattering of good friends and bad experiences in my 29 years has contributed towards that.

But recently, as you may have read; I’ve been less than useless at seeing things for how they actually are.

Case studies to support this:

  • Date with a commitment phobic whom I didn’t think was a commitment phobic (!)
  • Date with a guy I didn’t realise was a date (Yes. I am that stupid)

And lastly….the following huge human error which I really should have foreseen.

I’m calling it the friend zone trick, and it goes a little something like this:

An old school friend got back in touch a few weeks ago.  He’s back in the area – would I care to meet up for a good ol’ chinwag and a cuppa coffee?
Of course I’m not going to say no.  For 1) I like to think I’m polite in my old age, and 2) He was a good friend once upon a time.  A little school-day-reminiscing-over-coffee as adults is something I love to do (mainly due to my weirdly good memory!).

So I’m sat in Starbucks with my fluffy pink Xmas hat on, being told I look like a ‘nordic Christmas elf’ by a suspicious looking fellow across from me, when he walks in.
To protect his giant ego, I’ll refer to him as Rod  (Rod is a name reminiscent of a pervy guy with a motive, I think.  Apologies to any Rod’s whom may be reading and are perfectly lovely and without agenda).

It all starts off as usual.  You look nice.  How have you been” etc etc.  I’m not seeing any warning signs as we get re-acquainted after 4 years. 
Then he suddenly gets my back up by uttering my least favourite sentence EVER.  So I’m telling him about my Christmas plans, and how excited I am about the big day, and he leans over, pulls off my lovely warm pink santa hat and goes “Don’t care for Christmas.  I don’t get the big deal.  It’s just another day.”

Appalled and hat-less, I decide that I have had quite enough of bah-humbug men this side of December, and launch into an attack on his hatred of my favourite time of year (bar Summer).
Our argument was along the lines of:

Me: “I love that warm fuzzy feeling I get when I’m walking in the cold and see Christmas lights”
Him: “But why do you celebrate Christmas?  You can get that feeling every day of the year.”
Me: “I know, and I try to create little moments of warm fuzziness every day anyway (he so hasn’t read my blog!) but Christmas is one time of year everyone (well everyone apart from you and the other humbugs I met) universally feel the same way.  People are politer, friends want to catch up for winter drinks” blah blah (I throw out all of my usual examples, but alas, he is having none of it).”
Him: “I bet you have a Christmas jumper to go with that daft hat….”
Me: “Yes, I have two actually and aiming for a 3rd this weekend.  In fact (just to rile him further) I’m sewing decorations onto my jumper, and bells…lots of bells, so I literally am Christmas!”
Him: (Scoffs)that’s ridiculous.  You’ll have to send me a picture and give me a good laugh.”

At this point I just gave up.  But the anger that I felt was palpable.   I felt like a crusader of Christmas.  Defending the rights of all the people out there who LOVE Christmas.

Rod, sensing my annoyance, swiftly changes the subject to relationships.  Oh goody, I think.  Something I know nothing about!
It’s at this exact point I start to realise he may have an ulterior motive to this last minute ‘catch up.’
There were signs.  Gaudy flashing red light signs (and not the Christmas light type!).

Signs a guy (well, a guy like Rod) wants to take you out of the friend zone:

  1. He tells you he misses the companionship of a relationship AND describes how he’D treat a girl if he was with her (I’m not talking vague conceptual stuff, I’m talking graphic DVD nights, bottles of wine, snuggles- the whole shebang)
  2. He says you look really pretty (even though you don’t really, to be honest)
  3. He tries to maintain eye contact even when walking away from you (Seriously, this guy had a remarkable knack of turning his neck 180 degrees.  He was like a bloody barn owl).
  4. You attempt to leave a myriad of ways and he refutes them all:
“I’ve gotta go, I have some shopping to do.” – Most men would take that hint if it’s said enough times, but not the Rod’s of this world: “Oh, I’ll tag along with you!”  (Even though he was arguing only minutes ago how much he hated shopping!)
  1. He tries to tag along with you whilst you dive into Primark.
  2. You eventually get rid of him by using the least believable excuse uttered by anyone ever:  I’m sorry, but I get really nervous when I shop with another person.  I like to just be alone while I browse…helps me keep a clear head with the whole decision making process, otherwise I get buyers remorse.”

Yes…this actually worked!  Maybe he just didn’t understand what I was saying, blowing his brain with basic level marketing speak!

Before I forget, the very last (but most crucial) sign a guy like Rod is interested is thus:
As you watch them walk out (and, weirdly, they watch you; with their boneless neck swivelling round like a horror movie) suddenly everything feels safe again.
You probably relax a little, but no sooner has he left, neck and all, that you reach for your phone to be faced with a ‘goodbye’ text.  (How did he send a text so quickly?  Maybe he wrote it out before you met?!)
And even though you know you gave them 10% at most of your full potential as a human being, they rave about having ‘an amazing time and would love to do it again at the weekend!’

I have only one reply to that:
If that’s what you a good time, then it’s no wonder you’ve set yourself up for a miserable Christmas!  Yours respectfully – Christmas Crusader.”

Till next time



Facebook gets my clock ticking

New Year.  A time to reflect (and get drunk doing so!)

Every year I feel the collosal build up to New Years Eve looming ever closer.  Every year I tell myself 'next year will be different.'  And that, at least, I am always right about.
Of course every new year will bring something different to the proverbial table that is 'my life.'  It is a depressing thought to imagine every year coasting by as mundanely as the last.

I love not knowing what's going to happen next (and that's every day, not just every year!).   Watching so many films makes me a little bit fairy-tale esque in my outlook on life.  Like Christmas for example; there are so many idealistic catchphrases we tell ourselves just to maintain an air of devout Christmas-ness:

"It's a magical time and anything could happen!" (well, why hasn't it happened before now?)

"At Christmas, you tell the truth!" (Yes, I got this one from Love Actually)

And new Years is much the same:

"Next year will be MY year!"  (Said every damn year, without fail.  Whilst slurring)
  "Something amazing is waiting to happen next year...I can feel it!" (No, no you can't.  That's just the champagne you swigged down 4 hours ago, waiting to come back up)

I'm naming it the 'what if' factor, and actually, if we lived like this every day of every year, we'd probably have a much more positive outlook on life.  That excitement of not knowing what will happen next is something that terrifies some of us, but we all do it with New Year.
And why?  Why at the end of 365 days is there this huge build up in which we culminate all of our past 12 months into 'highlights' and 'lowlights?'

Facebook is my personal favourite.  Yesterday i received an option to 'view my year.'
'Great' I thought.  'Let's take a peek at my social media highlights captured in a timeline.'

Now I don't know how facebook decides what constitutes a highlight, but apart from a picture of me graduating at the start of the year, and getting that Marketing job I'd been after for ages, I was left a little disappointed (and I thought my social media life was exciting?!)
  • One relationship beginning...and ending.  (Ew that was a mistake!  Hide from timeline)
  • One job ending and another beginning (makes me look a teensy bit flaky...hide from timeline)
  • A friend stuffing a huge Easter Egg into her mouth whilst at her desk (Yes. Brilliant. Keep it.)

So what to do with my social media New Year gallery?  Well, I've an option to share it at any time from now until the clock strikes midnight.  But I figured; the year's not over yet is it?
Just because Christmas is almost here and I'm feeling the momentous build up and singing Mariah Carey 'all I want for Christmas is you...' doesn't mean that's it.

There could be a monumental, life changing, um, change which happens to me before then...and (God forbid) if I share my year with everyone RIGHT. THIS. SECOND it will be missed out (and that will ruin my year unequivocally!)

So I'm waiting, just like the rest of us...for a Christmas miracle!  Because let's face it; you never, ever know what's going to happen.

Till next time