Friday 12 December 2014

The blogging bombshell is back....


The blog is back.... And for all those curious blokes who used to sidle up to me at bars and tell me in hushed tones that 'they read my blog by candlelight' (whilst their gfs sleep, I don't doubt) - well, this is going to be a literary revelation akin to (but not such a letdown as) Helen fielding announcing her latest Miss Jones novel 'mad about the boy.'

So why now, you may ask... And, mores the point; what the hell happened to your love life and strange fashion sense for the duration of 2014??
Well, the truth is that this year has been an avalanche of chaos...and I've barely had a minute to breathe through it, let alone compose myself long enough to put finger to keyboard.

But now, after what can only be described as 'the straw that broke the camels back' I have decided that I've had quite enough of living like a Russian monk, and it was time to settle a few scores.


You wouldn't even begin to imagine some of the sorry sights I've had to endure;  I'm talking (as a very brief overview):

Closet cross dresser masquerading as a normal family guy unleashing his erm, passion in my living room...
An obscene pervert masquerading as 'that nice guy who used to fancy you at school' bombarding me with pics, displaying his appendage in many very different settings and compositions (I bet you've never seen a cock photo bomb before?)
A smelly musician who believed that not owning a bath or shower made him more in touch with his music...
An unhappily married man masquerading as 'the guy who's so on your wavelength,' writing me the whatsapp equivalent of Byron esque literature... Only to disappear on his white charge once his poor make ego got what it wanted (a huge phone bill, by all accounts)

I could go on, but it would be foolish to give it all away in the prequel...

So stay tuned as I get my regression goggles on and take my mind back to some of my most repressed memories, and re-live them all over again for your entertainment....
Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised It would be worth it ;)