The perils of blogging

I've been blogging now for about 2 months, and have really enjoyed the responses all the posts have received.

As a blogger it is quite normal to just blast out a post in 10 minutes while you're 'in the moment' and it quickly gets posted onto various social networks for all to read.  The thing about that is, I often don't think about who is actually reading my stuff.

With a blog of this nature (quite personal) you make a decision to effectively publicise your life to the world, and now I'm on a proverbial roll I don't want to (nor think I should) stop.  My life, chaotic as it may be, is 'out there' for anyone to read.  So what have I learnt so far in my short blogging career thus far?

1.  People find it quite amusing to read.  I'm still not sure if the people I know who make these commets laugh at me or with me (!) but I like to think they're enjoying the writing none-the-less.

2.  Ex boyfriends are actively reading my blog.  A fact I am now used to, but found quite bizzarre when confronted with an ex a few weeks ago on a night out.  he asked me if the 'commitment phobe' post was about him?!  (NO, was the answer of course!)  I dated this guy briefly about 10,000 years ago and to his dis-credit he was a commitment phobe, but it's all so far in the past that I wouldn't have even related the two!
(Feel at this point I should do a shout out to this guy, who I hope enjoys this post and doesn't take my comments to heart!)

3. Ex boyfriends whom I DO write about often read too much into the content and don't appreciate the humour of the situation!  For my first ever post I wrote about a more recent ex whom I have been doing the 'are we aren't we' dance with for the past few months.  It was only a small thing, and in no way offensive or angry, yet I received a message off him saying 'I read your blog (just curious) and saw a few things that made me think you may be p****d at me?"

4.  Potential new dates read my blog.  A fact I thought I was comfortable with (and largely I am), but recently I've received a few strange, out of the blue messages from guys who I thought were relatively classy.

A real life example is as follows:
Guy:  Hey commitment phobe ;)   - a nod to my post about me being a commitment phobe also!
Me: So I see you read my blog.  What do you think?
Guy: I think it's great, very funny.  
Me: Thanks, I enjoy writing it!
Guy:  Can I ask you a personal question?
Me: Go on...
Guy:  How sexually adventurous are you?
Me: I've never even met you before...that's a little bit forward really!!

So you see, this guy felt he already knew me just through way of reading my blog.
Trouble is, his perception of me was misplaced.  Yes.  I blog about dating, my lovelife and the many many car crash encounters I have with the opposite sex.
The only difference between me and lots of single girls is the fact I blog about my expereinces (good and bad!) but that doesn't make me any more adventurous in the bedroom, or some kind of maneater!

5.  I will contine to blog EVEN if I do get into a relationship.  And whoever I finally end up with will just have to deal with that!  Besides, the right guy will love me and my writing!

So here's to a very merry Christmas and may the New Year bring with it lots of interesting things to write about!

Enjoy yourselves!

Scarlett
xoxo

The unwelcome Ghost of my Christmas past

I’d like to think I’m a pretty good judge of character.  A spattering of good friends and bad experiences in my 29 years has contributed towards that.

But recently, as you may have read; I’ve been less than useless at seeing things for how they actually are.

Case studies to support this:

• Date with a commitment phobic whom I didn’t think was a commitment phobic (!)
• Date with a guy I didn’t realise was a date (Yes. I am that stupid)

And lastly….the following huge human error which I really should have foreseen.

I’m calling it the friend zone trick, and it goes a little something like this:

An old school friend got back in touch a few weeks ago.  He’s back in the area – would I care to meet up for a good ol’ chinwag and a cuppa coffee?

Of course I’m not going to say no.  For 1) I like to think I’m polite in my old age, and 2) He was a good friend once upon a time.  A little school-day-reminiscing-over-coffee as adults is something I love to do (mainly due to my weirdly good memory!).

So I’m sat in Starbucks with my fluffy pink Xmas hat on, being told I look like a ‘nordic Christmas elf’ by a suspicious looking fellow across from me, when he walks in.

To protect his giant ego, I’ll refer to him as Rod  (Rod is a name reminiscent of a pervy guy with a motive, I think.  Apologies to any Rod’s whom may be reading and are perfectly lovely and without agenda).

It all starts off as usual.  “You look nice.  How have you been” etc etc.  I’m not seeing any warning signs as we get re-acquainted after 4 years. 

Then he suddenly gets my back up by uttering my least favourite sentence EVER.  So I’m telling him about my Christmas plans, and how excited I am about the big day, and he leans over, pulls off my lovely warm pink santa hat and goes “Don’t care for Christmas.  I don’t get the big deal.  It’s just another day.”

Appalled and hat-less, I decide that I have had quite enough of bah-humbug men this side of December, and launch into an attack on his hatred of my favourite time of year (bar Summer).

Our argument was along the lines of:

Me: “I love that warm fuzzy feeling I get when I’m walking in the cold and see Christmas lights”

Him: “But why do you celebrate Christmas?  You can get that feeling every day of the year.”

Me: “I know, and I try to create little moments of warm fuzziness every day anyway (he so hasn’t read my blog!) but Christmas is one time of year everyone (well everyone apart from you and the other humbugs I met) universally feel the same way.  People are politer, friends want to catch up for winter drinks” blah blah (I throw out all of my usual examples, but alas, he is having none of it).”

Him: “I bet you have a Christmas jumper to go with that daft hat….”

Me: “Yes, I have two actually and aiming for a 3^rd this weekend.  In fact (just to rile him further) I’m sewing decorations onto my jumper, and bells…lots of bells, so I literally am Christmas!”

Him: (Scoffs) “that’s ridiculous.  You’ll have to send me a picture and give me a good laugh.”

At this point I just gave up.  But the anger that I felt was palpable.   I felt like a crusader of Christmas.  Defending the rights of all the people out there who LOVE Christmas.

Rod, sensing my annoyance, swiftly changes the subject to relationships.  Oh goody, I think.  Something I know nothing about!

It’s at this exact point I start to realise he may have an ulterior motive to this last minute ‘catch up.’

There were signs.  Gaudy flashing red light signs (and not the Christmas light type!).

Signs a guy (well, a guy like Rod) wants to take you out of the friend zone:

1. He tells you he misses the companionship of a relationship AND describes how he’D treat a girl if he was with her (I’m not talking vague conceptual stuff, I’m talking graphic DVD nights, bottles of wine, snuggles- the whole shebang)
2. He says you look really pretty (even though you don’t really, to be honest)
3. He tries to maintain eye contact even when walking away from you (Seriously, this guy had a remarkable knack of turning his neck 180 degrees.  He was like a bloody barn owl).
4. You attempt to leave a myriad of ways and he refutes them all:

“I’ve gotta go, I have some shopping to do.” – Most men would take that hint if it’s said enough times, but not the Rod’s of this world: “Oh, I’ll tag along with you!”  (Even though he was arguing only minutes ago how much he hated shopping!)

5. He tries to tag along with you whilst you dive into Primark.
6. You eventually get rid of him by using the least believable excuse uttered by anyone ever:  “I’m sorry, but I get really nervous when I shop with another person.  I like to just be alone while I browse…helps me keep a clear head with the whole decision making process, otherwise I get buyers remorse.”

Yes…this actually worked!  Maybe he just didn’t understand what I was saying, blowing his brain with basic level marketing speak!

Before I forget, the very last (but most crucial) sign a guy like Rod is interested is thus:

As you watch them walk out (and, weirdly, they watch you; with their boneless neck swivelling round like a horror movie) suddenly everything feels safe again.

You probably relax a little, but no sooner has he left, neck and all, that you reach for your phone to be faced with a ‘goodbye’ text.  (How did he send a text so quickly?  Maybe he wrote it out before you met?!)

And even though you know you gave them 10% at most of your full potential as a human being, they rave about having ‘an amazing time and would love to do it again at the weekend!’

I have only one reply to that:

“If that’s what you a good time, then it’s no wonder you’ve set yourself up for a miserable Christmas!  Yours respectfully – Christmas Crusader.”

Till next time

Scarlett

xoxo

You know you're dating a commitment phobe when....

As you all know, I have been given the gentle nudge into trying to date again.

I'll be honest, the thought didn't exactly thrill me.  I mean, I'm happy as I am.  Don't feel I need another person to 'complete me.'  The term 'other half' makes for cringeworthy images of only being half a person until you meet 'TheOne.'

But, reservations aside; I've been giving it a go (kind of).  And today, I decided to stop.
"Why" you may ask.
Well.   It takes me a lot to like someone.  It's a pretty rare thing for me to actually want to be with someone, or even give it a shot.  But last weekend, I found myself on a date with someone pretty awesome....pretty awesome and also a commitment phobe  (who knew!).  So to ensure none of you lovely #Bbloggers end up (almost) sobbing in front of a guy like some kind of desparado, I've created a unique checklist to spot the traits of the most unfortunate of male types you could deign to date.  This is a pretty raw time to be writing up my latest dating experience but I needed to get it out there and I hope you like it/get it.  ENJOY!

THE COMMITMENT PHOBE

Has a brilliant social life

Is charming, fun and makes you feel the most important person (for a short time at least).

Has been hurt before (hell, haven't we all?!)

Does and says all the right things to put your insecurites to rest: "I don't think I've EVER got on with someone this well - it feels I've known you forever!!" 

Does all the running to get you out on a date:  "...must be keen!"

Makes grand gestures about his feelings for you being 'so unexpected'.....but only when he's had a drink.

Asks you out during date: "I don't want you to date anyone else...can we make it official but take it slow?" which puts you at ease EVEN though you think it's far too soon for a relationship (at least he's not just after one thing, right?)

WRONG: You'll sleep with him because, well, all of the above, and he'll carry on the 'we're in a relationship but taking it slow' pretence well into the next day (and beyond!).

Starts cooling it with you a few days in, yet even though you give him an out of the 'relationship' many times, he maintains his position (nice!).

Hopes you'll respect his honesty when he finally decides to tell you (somewhere public, whilst out with his mates) that actually he just got 'carried away with it all' and actually can't quite see where this is going:  "I'm just not ready for a full blown relationship" is a classic line, but seems a little 'horse, stable, door, bolted' when you've already decided to give it a go (and besides...thought we were taking it slow?!  Doh).

Humiliates you further by telling you that he 'had an awesome night and would love to do it again, and I generally enjoy meeting new people and doing this!"  Um.....what?  Enjoy telling people you don't actually want to be with that you want to be with them?  Or luring people into false sense of security so they give up the goodies?!

Can make even the most toughest of cookies well up with self-pity and humiliation tears after their 'honesty speech.'  (At the point you feel the tears rising, you need to get out of there).

Won't follow you as you leave so don't expect him to (he has his mates and footy on inside, remember).

Tells his mates that he 'had a word with you, and you fled in tears!' (even though, actually, you held it together pretty well!)

Finally:  This person will make you feel more rubbish than any annoying (but nice) hipster or comic nerd; because you let your guard down, and they've reminded you of all the reasons WHY you don't want to be with anyone.  On top of all this, you feel pretty cheap, and thought you were smart enough by now to see through the commitment phobe.

The only advice I have to deal with this guy/girl is to ignore them.  Whilst a blog post or writing in a diary is a great way to vent feelings, it's definitely not worth even acknowledging them or calling them out on their behaviour, because ultimately it actually isn't their fault; they just can't deal with 'labels' (and that's fine, because neither can most of us!).

For now I am having a few days off work, because I have sobbed so much I look chinese, and have a big puffy blowfish face :-/  

For the time being, dating is definitely off the cards for little old me.  Need some Cassie advice, a huge bar of Galaxy and a relaxing facial to get me feeling back to, well, me....

Until next time

Scarlett

xoxox

You know you're dating a hipster when...

So, this blog post is taking a slightly different angle.  Rather than blogging about my usual topics I felt it neccesary to tell all of you about a few of the personality 'traits' I've noticed in various guys since hitting the dating scene.
 I've had the misfortune of meeting one too many 'hipsters' in recent months (and it's always ended badly!)  Whilst you may think dating a hipster could be, dare I say it:  Cool, perhaps a read of my hipster checklist will make you think twice!

HIPSTER MEN

• Buy literary classics for the bookshelf and then ensure a few are laid out strategically on coffee table when you come over.
• Probably never read these books, but you can bet your peacoat they're tweeting about it!
• Randomly point at things and say 'that's cool' as if their acknowledgment is endorsement is enough, and there is no room for comment  
• Buy you a birthday present which they know they'll love, rather than you:   "Oh, a signed copy of Oasis greatest hits album on vinyl that doubles up as a clock...how thoughtful are we?!"
• Nod their head to any 'cool tunes' they hear whilst in a queue, walking past a bar, eating at a restaurant....oh, anywhere really!
• Tell you that the new band you love who've just hit number one were 'much better before they went commercial.'
• Have social media bios with phrases like "I live my life in colour" as if the rest of us mere mortals live in some morose shades of grey
• Don't like having their picture taken, unless they can be in complete control of the photo editing before it hits facebook.  A sepia tint to an image always makes a hipster feel good.
• Are the first people to talk about that new Starbucks coffee flavour...and the first to go off it.
• Copy the style of a hipster celebrity then, when people start making comparisons, claim that actually, they've had this image for years.
• Tut and shake their head when you get a little bit excited by mainstream (or worse) cheesy pop
• Take being called 'a hipster' as a massive compliment.

I hope this post has been of some help (and amusement) to you.  I have to say, I have thoroughly enjoyed writing it because now I have my very own hipster checklist to refer back to as I prepare to meet new people!
Would love to hear if you've ever dated/are dating a hipster.  Perhaps you're one yourself?


Until next time...thanks for reading!

Love, Scarlett xoxox